Blame Phoebe
by Paigeriffic
Summary: The Angel of Destiny pays another visit to the Manor. The reward is a dream come true for two sisters...and a nightmare for the other.
1. Bam!

Paige burst in through the front door and ran up to Piper.  
  
"What is it? What's the emergency that had to drag me away from work?"  
  
Piper gestured to the clock. The Angel of Destiny was examining it, he turned to Paige and waved. Paige groaned and stood defensively with her arms crossed.  
  
"What do you want now? We are not giving up our powers."  
  
"Calm down my dear, its nothing like that. Well in a way it is…I suppose."  
  
Piper tutted and rolled her eyes, before addressing Paige.  
  
"He's been speaking in riddles ever since he got here. He said he wouldn't tell us until we are all here. I called Phoebe but she still isn't here. It's been 20 minutes now."  
  
"Maybe she got lost on the way. Or distracted by a shiny object?"  
  
"Don't even joke, we both know how Phoebe can be sometimes."  
  
"Who was joking?"  
  
They shared a superior look, knowing that they were both better than Phoebe, and then turned to the Angel of Destiny.  
  
"You do realise that it could be hours, possible days, till Phoebe gets here. Why not tell us why you are here."  
  
"After all, I'm the responsible sister and Paige is shaping up well. Phoebe wouldn't really have any say in the matter anyway."  
  
"That's true. She just goes along with whoever bribes her with the most stuff. I'm sure an important angel like yourself has places to be and important things to be doing."  
  
Paige said, in a wheedling voice. The Angel shrugged and relented.  
  
"Well if you put it like that. You have been given another reward for all the good work you've done."  
  
"Now when you say 'reward'…"  
  
Paige said warily, as Piper sat down with a sigh.  
  
"As with the other reward, you'll be given time to consider your choice and majority rules again."  
  
"Yeah yeah, that's nice. But could you actually get round to telling us what it is? I've got a house to clean and a club to run."  
  
"There's no need to take that tone with me young lady. You have been given the chance to bring back your lost sister."  
  
"Our lost sister? Prue! You mean Prue!"  
  
Piper's face was transformed with joy and Paige was looking pleased. Piper stopped smiling and stared cautiously at the Angel.  
  
"That's too good to be true. What's the catch? We have to give up our powers? Give up our loved ones? Out home?"  
  
"You have to replace her with another sister."  
  
Piper stared blankly at him, speechless with shock. Paige's face fell and she slowly walked towards the stairs. Piper grabbed her arm.  
  
"Paige, where are you going?"  
  
"Upstairs to pack my things. With me gone you can bring back the original power of three."  
  
"Not so fast Paige."  
  
"Not so fast? You mean you want me more than Phoebe?"  
  
Paige cried tears of happiness and hugged Piper.  
  
"I think we should go and talk to Grams and 'mom' before any decisions are made. But I have an inkling as to which way I'll vote."  
  
Paige orbed them both up to the attic and they began the séance. The Angel of Destiny smiled and muttered thoughtfully to himself, before going to report to the elders.  
  
"At last, the power of three shall have three powerful witches. Instead of two and a negligible liability."  
  
* * *  
  
Two hours passed and Phoebe eventually arrived. She was dragging Cole along by his tie, and doing a retarded laugh. Cole was randomly turning into Belthazor and using evil demonic powers. He shimmered to the CD player and put on a cheesy Japanese love song. Phoebe lay back on the couch and unbuttoned her top. Cole blinked over and started to kiss her. Things got a bit steamy and in the heat of the moment he knocked a vase from the table.  
  
* * *  
  
Everyone in the attic looked up and groaned.  
  
"It looks like Phoebe and Cole are back. Oh and she's only two hours late this time. Excuse me guys, I better go get them up here."  
  
Piper apologised to the people in the room and walked out. Paige rolled her eyes and muttered about dumb witches and even dumber half/ex randomly good/evil demons.  
  
* * *  
  
Cole clambered off Phoebe with a satisfied look on his face as Piper marched downstairs with an angry look on her face. Phoebe smiled stupidly at her over the top of the couch.  
  
"Its lucky you didn't get down here one minute ago Piper, or you would have interrupted something!"  
  
Piper stifled a snigger.  
  
"A minute? But you only got in about two minutes ago. And by the looks of it you only just finished."  
  
Cole blushed and pulled on his trousers. Piper pointed and exclaimed.  
  
"Woah! That's a big cock!"  
  
"Why thank yo…"  
  
Cole began, but realised Piper was pointing at the random male chicken that had just appeared. It flew up to Phoebe and pecked her on the head, before giving a loud cluck and flying out the window.  
  
"Well as long as you two are done, we need you in the attic. Something big has come up, and I'm definitely not talking about Cole!"  
  
She laughed and ran upstairs. Cole started to cry and randomly turned evil. Then he turned good. Then he turned evil. Then he turned good, and then he turned into The Source. The he turned into Belthazor. The he turned back into 'normal' Cole. Phoebe looked confused, well more confused than usual, and led him upstairs.  
  
* * *  
  
"Ok here they come now. Not that we really need Cole…or Phoebe for that matter, its just being polite."  
  
"Well I didn't raise you to be rude, now did I Piper?"  
  
Commented Grams as she smiled at Piper. Phoebe and Cole walked through the door and an uncomfortable silence filled the room.  
  
"So glad you could make it Phoebe…"  
  
"What did you guys want to tell me?"  
  
"The Angel of Destiny came and told us we are getting a reward for being so great. Well most of us are great."  
  
She said staring at Phoebe.  
  
"We get Prue back but only if we give up another sister."  
  
Phoebe smiled and then waved apologetically at Paige. Paige smugly waved back.  
  
"We decided that we want Prue and we don't really want you."  
  
Said Paige casually. Piper hastily added;   
  
"But we thought that we should let you know the reasons we don't want you anymore. I think you should take a seat, there's a lot to say."  
  
Phoebe sat on the floor and Cole shimmered randomly round the room. Piper and Paige sat next to Grams.  
  
"For one of the first reasons we have brought Grams to come and tell it."  
  
"Thank you Piper. Well Phoebe, you've always been the wildcard. The hell raiser. The one most likely to get pregnant and become addicted to drugs."  
  
"The Bitch of the family."  
  
Paige threw in. Before letting Grams continue.  
  
"Well, Paige summed it up, although in a manner less eloquent than mine. But there are far graver things to blame you for."  
  
She took a sighed and put her hand over her heart.  
  
"You killed me Phoebe! You are guilty of killing your poor old Grams. And after all I did for you."  
  
Phoebe stood up and spluttered incoherently before shaking her head.  
  
"I so didn't kill you Grams. You had a heart attack remember?"  
  
"What do you think caused it? It was all you Phoebe; it was entirely your fault. The stress and the arguments you created, finally did me in."  
  
"I was not the only one arguing! And I didn't cause all the arguments. What about the time Prue and Piper were fighting and ended up breaking the window?"  
  
"They were fighting over whether to show me the shoes you'd stolen. Piper, being the kind girl she is, threw them out the window, to get them away from Prue, who wanted to show them to me."  
  
"Oh that's convenient."  
  
"Wow, she knows a 'big word'."  
  
Paige said and Piper giggled. Grams waved her hand for quiet and carried on.  
  
"That's just one of many incidents Phoebe. When you were young you were such a hellion, you put me through so much. Staying up all night, worrying whether you had been killed or raped. Every week I had to apologise to shop owners and teachers for when you'd stolen something or skipped class."  
  
"That didn't cause the arguments, not the later ones anyway. The ones around the time of your death."  
  
"Oh but they did. Prue, despite her cold exterior, cared for you and was so worried when you took off all the time. It caused friction between her and Piper. All the fights boiled down to you Phoebe."  
  
"That's not fair, putting all the blame onto me. What about when Prue did…or when Piper said…"  
  
"You see now Phoebe? They were perfect, they were flawless. Nothing they did or said was bad. It was all you…"  
  
Piper blew the candle out and Grams's wavering form disappeared. She was lit another candle and said the spell. Phoebe was looking shocked and kept muttering to Cole, with a wild look in her eyes. Another presence entered the room.   
  
  
  
Wowo, thats the first chapter of my new story done. Tune in next time to see which spirit just arrived and what they are going to blame Phoebe the bitch of.  
BTW I don't mind flames from you Phoebe lubbers, so FLAME AHOY. 


	2. Phoebe went dahhhhhn!

It was Andy, Andy Trudeau.  
  
"Andy? What are you doing here? What can you possibly have to say?"  
  
"You are responsible for my death Phoebe."  
  
"What? How can you..what the hell?"  
  
"If you had realised that time was resetting earlier, then I wouldn't have rushed in and got killed. So much for using your powers to save the innocent."  
  
His form started to disappear, and then it flickered back to full strength.  
  
"Oh yeah, and once, at a party, you came onto me. Even though Prue was in the next room."  
  
He disappeared completely and Piper began to summon another spirit.  
  
"You bitch Phoebe! Andy was the love of Prue's life."  
  
"Was being the operative word in more ways than one…"  
  
"I cannot believe the things you are throwing in my face. We grew up together Piper! Remember the good times?"  
  
Piper stopped and turned to Phoebe. There was a cross expression on her face.  
  
"No Phoebe, no I don't. There has been so much crap surrounding you it kinda blocks out the good times. That's assuming there were any."  
  
Phoebe looked hurt, and then her face brightened.  
  
"Remember the east bake oven? You made us all muffins and we had a muffin party."  
  
Piper smiled briefly, but then her face darkened.  
  
"Yeah I remember. You put pepper in my muffins and then fed them to Rasputin. That's why the poor dog ran away. Bitch!"  
  
She completed saying the spell and another deceased family member entered the room.  
  
"Mom! You'll back me up, won't you?"  
  
"I would like to sweetie. But there's one thing stopping me."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
Asked Phoebe, looking confused.  
  
"You are responsible for my death Phoebe."  
  
Phoebe stood up and punched the wall. She was too stunned to respond rationally.  
  
"I was killed by the water demon. Everyone thinks it was because Sam distracted me. But they don't know the full story. Earlier on before I left the house, I had gone to see each of you, kisses goodbye and all that. When I went to kiss you, you…you…bit me on the ear."  
  
She rubbed her ear and looked away from Phoebe.  
  
"I didn't think it was anything serious, but as the day went on, it got more and more painful. At the lake I walked onto the jetty and readied the electricity. Then Sam came, and as you know I froze him. I saw the demon coming and was about to freeze it…"  
  
Piper and Paige were crying and Phoebe was banging her head against the wall.  
  
"When a spasm of pain hit me, from my wounded ear and I was blinded with agony. The demon took its chance and got me. It was all your fault Phoebe…all you fault…"  
  
Piper wiped her eyes and turned accusingly to Phoebe.  
  
"I hope you're happy. You've killed more Halliwells than demons. There's just a few more 'people' to speak against you now."  
  
In a mass of swirling lights Prue appeared. Phoebe laughed softly to herself.  
  
"Oh look, the mighty Prue Halliwell. And what are you going to accuse me of?"  
  
"You are responsible for my death Phoebe."  
  
"No! Stop blaming me! It's not right and it's not fair!"  
  
"No! The fact you cared more for your bastard boyfriend isn't right and most certainly isn't fair."  
  
"I… how could you say that? My sisters have always come first."  
  
Piper snorted loudly.  
  
"That's a joke. You have dumped us for Cole on numerous occasions."  
  
"And you wouldn't listen to me when I tried to warn you that he was evil. See where that got you!"  
  
"Queen of the frickin Underworld no less."  
  
Prue cleared her throat loudly.  
  
"And back to me. Ok, yeah. Well you caused my death. You cared more about Cole so you went down into the Underworld after him. And that was when he was evil at the time, and had just killed another good witch."  
  
"He was under a spell!"  
  
"Don't be so damn naïve, you were a sap and an easy lay. He took full advantage of that."  
  
Phoebe shook her head and turned to Cole. He shrugged apologetically.  
  
"When Shaks first came you spent so long getting the spell he nearly killed us all. Then you went into the Underworld after Cole, and everything went wrong."  
  
"And that is my fault how? No one could have foreseen what would have happened that day."  
  
"Couldn't they Phoebe? Couldn't they?"  
  
Paige laughed to herself and gave Phoebe a questioning look.  
  
"Isn't 'foreseeing' your main power? You could have called for a premonition anytime you wanted, but you didn't. So its your fault."  
  
Prue gave Paige a warm smile and continued.  
  
"Then you made a deal with the Source, the Source of all evil no less."  
  
"To save Piper's life!"  
  
"But you still made a deal. And you chose to stay in the Underworld, with Cole, and so weren't there to fend Shaks off the second time round. That led to my death, and the Doctor's and nearly Piper's."  
  
Prue turned to Piper and Paige and waved.  
  
"My work here is done, see you soon!"  
  
She disappeared in a flicker of light and Piper blew out the candle.  
  
"Well that's nearly all the People who don't like you or have had their lives affected in a negative way by you."  
  
"Here is someone else. Its Alice, the crazy one who shot Piper."  
  
Alice comes crashing in through the door and stares around the room.  
  
"Cool! I made it in! Piper, Paige! I'm like you, let me join your coven!"  
  
Piper glared and slapped Alice.  
  
"Focus bitch, you already said that once, and you are most certainly not like us. Just tell Phoebe what bad thing she caused. Alice turned to Phoebe and gave her a grave look.  
  
"You caused the death of your sister Piper."  
  
"I did not! This is ludicrous."  
  
"When I tried to shoot the bad witch I was going to shoot you. But alas, you were not there. So I had to shoot Piper instead. Let her death be upon your head."  
  
She laughed manically and jumped out the window. Paige shrugged and went to open the door. Outside was Kit. She picked kit up and set him/her/it in the middle of the candles. Piper muttered a quick spell and Kit began to speak.  
  
"Phoebe Halliwell, you have caused gross cruelty to animals. Me and Rasputin in particular."  
  
Phoebe stared blankly at Kit and then to Paige and Piper.  
  
"You are using a cat as a 'witness' against me? This is unbelievable."  
  
"Yeah, unbelievable like the things you put me through… bitch!"  
  
"Watch it kitty, or I'll vanquish you."  
  
"Bring it on ho, it couldn't be any worse than what you already did to me. You sat on me, pulled my tail, pierced my ears, shaved my fur off and tried to bake me!"  
  
Phoebe and Cole laughed and remembered the time they tried to put Kit in the oven.  
  
"The worse thing of all was the spell you cast on me. The gender-changing spell. But you, being the moron you are, messed up the spell. And now I randomly change sex. Luckily you chose the 'original' name of Kit for me, and its unisex."  
  
Paige stoked Kit comfortingly and Piper frowned at Phoebe.  
  
"Time for me to go again, who knows when I'll be back…if ever."  
  
Kit ran off muttering about continuity and Piper crossed her arms.  
  
"Have you seen enough? Do we need to dredge up more stuff from your sordid past?"  
  
"No, I just want to leave now."  
  
The Angel of Destiny suddenly appeared.  
  
"Have you made your decision yet?"  
  
"Yep, Phoebe is going and Prue is coming back."  
  
"Well in order for one to return to life you must sacrifice the life of another, in this case Phoebe's life for Prue's."  
  
He heard two dull thuds behind him as Cole and Phoebe fell, lifeless, to the floor. Paige threw a lump of wood to the ground and dusted off her hands.  
  
"Already done."  
  
"You realise you didn't have to kill Cole?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well…um…here comes Prue!"  
  
He clapped his hands and the room filled with light. When it faded Prue appeared and Phoebe disappeared. Piper and Paige ran to her and they cried happily. They held each other in a happy embrace and a blue light blazed.  
  
"We're Charmed…again!"  
  
And from that happy happy day, the Charmed line became strong once again and Halliwell deaths hit and all time low.  
  
  
  
OPIP OPIP OPIP!   
  
Well as far as I know this story is finished, unless I remember some more things that Phoebe is responsible for and edit them in. And if you didn't know, 'OPIP' means "Out Phoebe, In Prue!" Join the OPIP club today! 


End file.
